When do you stop? Am I mad!

Now some of you may think I’m stupid, some may understand and the rest couldn’t care less! But here goes…

I’ve recently turned 39 and as i now start the countdown towards the next big birthday i’m contemplating with the notion have i had enough children. Some of you who just read that I envisage eyes bolting out of their head and saying to themselves, “are you crazy?”

And to be fair if it was me looking at my life as someone else I’d probably say the same! But hear me out first.

As some of you may know I have three beautiful children one of them being disabled, all three are such different characters and I probably wouldn’t change them for the world. Over the last six months or so the wife & I have constantly been back & forth on whether to have another. We both said we always wanted to have four children but with various health problems and the constant financial strain I think that the fourth will not blossom even though a good portion of me still yearns for that little one to nurture.

Our youngest was three in June and he is a HANDFUL! He does deter us from having anymore, but when he is in a loving & caring mood it’s those times that we’ll miss when he starts school and I think to myself “we could have one more, couldn’t we ?”

Age for me isn’t an issue like it used to be regarding having children as I got older, I felt once I was past my mid – thirties that was it no more! It’s now upon reflection that I more than we can do it and still bring another life into this world we’ve come this far and managed to challenge and overcome all that the world has thrown at us, so surely we can…DSC_1599

 

Advertisements

What have I learned About Me Lately

As strong and independent as I think I am I’m not. I’ve recently come to realise I can’t do all I can to resolve everything that life throws at me and that has been tough to swallow.

Thinking like this has worked for me for a while but in reality all that has happened deep down inside is I have become a shadow of my former self and now no one recognises me, not even my own family. I thought I was doing a good job and the right thing most of the time but alas not.

It’s funny but thinking back to when I was in my honeymoon phase of my relationship I felt like I was invincible and I could conquer the world, and up until now I have. I’ve tried not to let anything or one get in my way of what I wanted and succeeded.

But now as I’m approaching forty (18 months or so) It has dawned on me I’m not doing as well as I thought or could be doing, so as of today or maybe tomorrow I’m starting a fresh, a new me, a new man and more importantly a new husband and father.

Through the month of November I plan on joining in with #BEDN, blog everyday in November which is brought to us by the wonderful  Rosalilium