When do you stop? Am I mad!

Now some of you may think I’m stupid, some may understand and the rest couldn’t care less! But here goes…

I’ve recently turned 39 and as i now start the countdown towards the next big birthday i’m contemplating with the notion have i had enough children. Some of you who just read that I envisage eyes bolting out of their head and saying to themselves, “are you crazy?”

And to be fair if it was me looking at my life as someone else I’d probably say the same! But hear me out first.

As some of you may know I have three beautiful children one of them being disabled, all three are such different characters and I probably wouldn’t change them for the world. Over the last six months or so the wife & I have constantly been back & forth on whether to have another. We both said we always wanted to have four children but with various health problems and the constant financial strain I think that the fourth will not blossom even though a good portion of me still yearns for that little one to nurture.

Our youngest was three in June and he is a HANDFUL! He does deter us from having anymore, but when he is in a loving & caring mood it’s those times that we’ll miss when he starts school and I think to myself “we could have one more, couldn’t we ?”

Age for me isn’t an issue like it used to be regarding having children as I got older, I felt once I was past my mid – thirties that was it no more! It’s now upon reflection that I more than we can do it and still bring another life into this world we’ve come this far and managed to challenge and overcome all that the world has thrown at us, so surely we can…DSC_1599

 

The A to Z of me

The A to Z of me which may help you to learn more about me, kindly bought to my attention by @innocentcharmer.

ANORAK…Do you have a sad side? I’m a bit of a computer geek/nerd and I do enjoy housework, I get a real satisfaction once I’m finished. Although my wife did comment the other day that apparently I am a train spotter!

BODY…What physical attribute would you most like to change? I’m not to fussed about my appearance I’m tall which I love I’m well-built so I just need to lose some pounds off the belly.

CELEBRITY…Which one would you most like to date and why? It has to be Nicolas Cage, he is my film idol/god. No I’m not gay I just have a passion for this man’s work, he can play any character he puts his mind to and I would love to know him personally.

DÉBUT …Tell us about your first ever blog post. What made you start blogging? My first blog was really just to say who I am and why I’m doing it. I suppose I started mainly down to having time on my hands as I’m now a part-time stay at home dad and for me I don’t have any friends really to talk to about how I’m doing so I have my blog to say whatever I’m feeling.

ERROR …What’s been your biggest regret? There are a few but the most important is (see “unknown in this list”) probably failing at university which consequently meant I couldn’t provide well enough for my family.

FUNNY…Who’s making you laugh? My Children everyday they do something that makes my day. Other than them I think Jimmy Carr, Sarah Millican, Jack Whitehall the list is endless.

GRAND…If we gave you one right now what would you spend it on? I guess the correct answer should be bills, bills, bills – destiny’s child ha ha. Always children & wife they deserve it but if I was single then gadgets galore!

HOLIDAY…What’s your favourite destination? I think it has to be Las Vegas so far, only been there once but it was out of this world. I would recommend going to anyone. Plus my son Grayson was conceived there too!

las vegas

IRRITATE…What’s your most annoying habit? I really don’t know of any other than my snoring which I think one day will stop when the wife strangles me in my sleep.

JOKER…What’s your favourite joke {the one that makes you laugh every time you hear it}? Why was the six scared of seven? Because seven eight nine! Boom Boom Ha Ha gets me every time (from an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House)

KENNEL…Do you have any pets? No, but would love a dog, preferably a beagle I adore them so much.

LOVE…Are you single, married, engaged, living with a long-term partner? Married to Kara aka @innocentcharmer for nearly 11 years (13/11) she means the world to me and I don’t work properly without her!

Wedding

MEAL…What’s your ultimate starter, main and dessert? Has to be prawn cocktail to start, then sausage, mash & beans for main and to finish off I think Eton mess.

NOW…If you could be anywhere right now where would you be and who with? It would be with my immediate family on holiday in Disneyland, Florida, USA.

OFF DUTY…What do you do in your spare time? Watch as many films as I can and surf the Internet for random crap.

PROUD MOMENTS …What are you most proud of? For me it has to be Kara saying yes to marrying me as I know she didn’t really want to & of course becoming a father to my three little wonders.

kids

QUEASY …What turns your stomach? Pass…Nothing really that I’m aware of. Actually now I really think about it I detest olive’s with a vengeance!!

RELAX…How do you relax? Alcohol and a film or if I’m on my own…please keep it clean I was going to say very,very loud music!

SONG…What’s your favourite song of all time? That is very, very hard… I think it has to be “because of you” by Gabrielle It’s our song as in the wife & me. But there is a dance track which always lifts & calms me called “Ayla” by Ayla It features in Kevin & Perry Go Large.

TIME…If you could go back in time and relive it again, when would you choose? I think it would have to be one of two occasions, first would have to be my first holiday with Kara to Antigua it was just amazing in every sense of the word and second my wedding day so Kara could remember it and I could see how amazing she looked again.

Antigua

UNKNOWN…Tell us something about yourself that no one else knows? I have four daughters from a previous marriage who I don’t get to see at all and haven’t seen since 2001, yes I am divorced too!

VOCAL….Who is your favourite artist? My God there are so many to choose from, I have very eclectic taste but I think I’d have to say the late Michael Jackson R.I.P

WORK…..What is your dream job, and are you doing it now? Sadly I am not. I always wanted to be a doctor I had the qualifications to pursue this career but unfortunately I didn’t have the support and backing of both my parents.

X-RAY…Any broken bones? Yes my little toe which was only a few months ago. I kicked a cabinet in the hallway that’s been there since we moved in nearly a year ago dumbass!

YIKES…What’s been your most embarrassing moment? Can’t think of anything…

ZOO….If you were an animal, which one would you be? It’s got to be a tiger I think they’re the real king of the jungle all buff just like me! Ha Ha

PND – Men suffer too

Recently I took part in an hour long chat on Twitter about men suffering from Post natal depression (PND)

Post natal depression affects 1 in 10 new fathers and more research and education is needed to find out how many develop other mental health issues/problems after their children are born.

Having my wife and then in turn myself go through this process with our daughter I could relate a lot in this discussion. The biggest contributing factor in most cases and stories I’ve heard is that there is not enough people to talk to and next to no education of this matter.

While fathers are still less likely than mothers to experience postnatal depression, there is a growing realisation that it is an important issue for men too. The transition to fatherhood and the early years of raising children are a time when men are at substantially increased risk of psychological distress.

It’s a very positive thing that fathers are much more engaged with child-rearing.
Some men struggle to come to terms with the reality of pregnancy and the need to support their partner through the childbirth process, leading to stress among expectant fathers.
There are parenting implications for fathers who have mental health issues. They are more likely to show low levels of engagement and warmth towards their children.

I myself felt very alone and confined when my wife was suffering PND as I didn’t know what to do for her let alone myself and with still going through a grieving process of having a disabled son too, there was no one to ask or to really talk to it was like a kind of taboo. As much as I hate to admit it I stood up brushed myself off and tried my best to push my feelings aside and got on with taking care of my family as best I knew how.

But here inly the problem, I was going through my own emotional roller coaster constantly where could I seek help, or find some kind of outlet…No I knew of not one resolution.

It is only now I know that in hindsight the best way to tackle these issues is through education where possible and conversation, talk to whoever you can it does help.

Fortunately I came out the other side eventually but I think deep down it has had a serious impact on my relationship with my daughter, now I just hope & pray that in time we will gain back our father daughter bond.

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