What have I learned About Me Lately

As strong and independent as I think I am I’m not. I’ve recently come to realise I can’t do all I can to resolve everything that life throws at me and that has been tough to swallow.

Thinking like this has worked for me for a while but in reality all that has happened deep down inside is I have become a shadow of my former self and now no one recognises me, not even my own family. I thought I was doing a good job and the right thing most of the time but alas not.

It’s funny but thinking back to when I was in my honeymoon phase of my relationship I felt like I was invincible and I could conquer the world, and up until now I have. I’ve tried not to let anything or one get in my way of what I wanted and succeeded.

But now as I’m approaching forty (18 months or so) It has dawned on me I’m not doing as well as I thought or could be doing, so as of today or maybe tomorrow I’m starting a fresh, a new me, a new man and more importantly a new husband and father.

Through the month of November I plan on joining in with #BEDN, blog everyday in November which is brought to us by the wonderful  Rosalilium 

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I’m not always sure…

Like it states in the title “I’m not always sure…” about a lot when it comes to my disabled son Grayson, but I take each day as it comes.

I think I find it the hardest when he is ill. They say that as his parent no one knows him better than you which I think 95% of the time is true. It is difficult caring for him and with him not being able to tell you in anyway how he is feeling or what he wants other than in the way he has learnt, can be quite gut wrenching at times.

So when he is ill his disability’s seem so much worse, other than cleaning his nose and dosing him up on everything you can I just have to sit there and suffer so to speak. Watching him struggling to breathe and swallow through his mouth because his nose is so blocked, barely eating at the best of times as it is so when ill next to nothing on the food front.

But even after all this suffering he goes through on a fairly regular basis, he still manages to make me smile even when inside his own head he’s probably screaming “daddy help me”

And all I can do is carry on what I am doing I guess.

I love you Son xxx

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