Now some of you may think I’m stupid, some may understand and the rest couldn’t care less! But here goes…
I’ve recently turned 39 and as i now start the countdown towards the next big birthday i’m contemplating with the notion have i had enough children. Some of you who just read that I envisage eyes bolting out of their head and saying to themselves, “are you crazy?”
And to be fair if it was me looking at my life as someone else I’d probably say the same! But hear me out first.
As some of you may know I have three beautiful children one of them being disabled, all three are such different characters and I probably wouldn’t change them for the world. Over the last six months or so the wife & I have constantly been back & forth on whether to have another. We both said we always wanted to have four children but with various health problems and the constant financial strain I think that the fourth will not blossom even though a good portion of me still yearns for that little one to nurture.
Our youngest was three in June and he is a HANDFUL! He does deter us from having anymore, but when he is in a loving & caring mood it’s those times that we’ll miss when he starts school and I think to myself “we could have one more, couldn’t we ?”
Age for me isn’t an issue like it used to be regarding having children as I got older, I felt once I was past my mid – thirties that was it no more! It’s now upon reflection that I more than we can do it and still bring another life into this world we’ve come this far and managed to challenge and overcome all that the world has thrown at us, so surely we can…
Recently I took part in an hour long chat on Twitter about men suffering from Post natal depression (PND)
Post natal depression affects 1 in 10 new fathers and more research and education is needed to find out how many develop other mental health issues/problems after their children are born.
Having my wife and then in turn myself go through this process with our daughter I could relate a lot in this discussion. The biggest contributing factor in most cases and stories I’ve heard is that there is not enough people to talk to and next to no education of this matter.
While fathers are still less likely than mothers to experience postnatal depression, there is a growing realisation that it is an important issue for men too. The transition to fatherhood and the early years of raising children are a time when men are at substantially increased risk of psychological distress.
It’s a very positive thing that fathers are much more engaged with child-rearing.
Some men struggle to come to terms with the reality of pregnancy and the need to support their partner through the childbirth process, leading to stress among expectant fathers.
There are parenting implications for fathers who have mental health issues. They are more likely to show low levels of engagement and warmth towards their children.
I myself felt very alone and confined when my wife was suffering PND as I didn’t know what to do for her let alone myself and with still going through a grieving process of having a disabled son too, there was no one to ask or to really talk to it was like a kind of taboo. As much as I hate to admit it I stood up brushed myself off and tried my best to push my feelings aside and got on with taking care of my family as best I knew how.
But here inly the problem, I was going through my own emotional roller coaster constantly where could I seek help, or find some kind of outlet…No I knew of not one resolution.
It is only now I know that in hindsight the best way to tackle these issues is through education where possible and conversation, talk to whoever you can it does help.
Fortunately I came out the other side eventually but I think deep down it has had a serious impact on my relationship with my daughter, now I just hope & pray that in time we will gain back our father daughter bond.